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  • Writer's pictureCanniget A. Witness

Huh. I Guess We're Doing a Thanksgiving Special.

Today is November 26th, 2020: Thanksgiving Day.

As I settle in for the night with a piece of pumpkin pie covered in whiskey sauce, I am counting my blessings. Because that's what we do in America on Thanksgiving, even in a crappy year like 2020.

So here goes.

First of all, I'm thankful that I discovered whiskey sauce for pumpkin pie. It's made with a stick of butter, a cup of sugar, whiskey, and a little nutmeg, and an egg whisked in at the very end. And it's delicious. I make it every year. If you haven't tried it, you seriously should. Email me at, and I'll send you the recipe. I mean, unless you're an alcoholic. If you are, then forget I said anything.

I'm thankful that Emily Murphy, the Trump appointee who heads the General Services Administration, finally acknowledged that Biden won this year's presidential election. Now that she's done that, Biden's team has access to money and information they will need for their transition. And she's no longer part of an unconstitutional power grab that spits in the face of our democracy. So that's something.

And yes, Emily, I know that you told Biden that your decision to finally acknowledge his win was based on your reading of the facts and the law, and not based on any pressure you may have gotten from Trump. And I totally don't believe you. I think you felt enormous pressure from Trump to help him in his attempted coup. That's what I'd expect from him. He told all of us months before the election that he would only accept the results if he won, so I'm sure he didn't say anything different to you. I'm just really relieved that you finally did the right thing for democracy. So thank you.

I'm grateful for the few Republican leaders who publicly told Trump that the election was over and he should concede. So thank you, Chris Christy, Mitt Romney, Lisa Murkowski, Susan Collins, Pat Toomey and Ben Sasse. I heard on the nightly news with Lester Holt that even Anthony Fauci has been getting death threats for publicly disagreeing with Trump, so I can imagine that all of you are facing some backlash for telling the truth and asking Trump to behave decently for the sake of our democracy.

I'm grateful for the people in the Trump administration who assured the American people that, despite Trump's claims to the contrary, our 2020 presidential election was not plagued with widespread voter fraud. In fact, a coalition of federal agencies involved in election security and representatives for election officials from each state told us the election was safe when they made this statement:

“The November 3rd election was the most secure in American history. Right now, across the country, election officials are reviewing and double checking the entire election process prior to finalizing the result. There is no evidence that any voting system deleted or lost votes, changed votes, or was in any way compromised."

I just hope that people were listening, because last I heard, about 70% of Republican voters believe Trump when he tells them that the election was stolen from him because of widespread voter fraud. I hope they will listen to the people in charge of elections security, and believe that the election was safe. I understand that it must be really hard for Trump supporters to accept that Trump lost fair and square. I can see the appeal of believing that he lost only because the election was stolen from him, but that's not what really happened. I'm sorry, but he really did lose fair and square.

I'm grateful for all of the federal judges in all the states where Trump filed lawsuits claiming that the election was riddled with widespread voter fraud, because those federal judges threw out the vast majority of his claims. Heck, I've been grateful for the federal courts during Trump's entire presidency, because they have been sane, measured, and demanded evidence when the other two branches of government had lost their minds.

But mostly, I'm just so grateful and relieved that Trump's term is coming to an end. Trump's presidency has been hard for a lot of reasons. I think a lot of us have found it hard to have a president who had so clearly buddied up to white supremacists. He has also shown us that he is a misogynist who hates Mexicans, and is totally okay with tearing children away from their parents if they come to the United States seeking asylum. And he showed us that he does not take the environment seriously when he pulled the United States out of the Paris Climate Agreement.

Also, though, it was hard for me to watch Trump because it was clear that thought he was our king. He thought that he could run the presidency like he's run all of his businesses. I'm sure that in business, he was the law. He was the guy at the top, and he called the shots. Period. He is not used to working with people as equals. He's used to telling people what to do and expecting them to do it. So he thought he could do whatever he wanted as president. He thought that the Constitution allowed him to do whatever he wanted. (Clearly, he's never read it.) But I am glad to tell you that federal judges were there to tell him that he is wrong. He is not our king, and the Constitution does not allow him to do whatever he wants. And hopefully, once he is out of office, another federal judge will preside over a trial that will put Trump in prison, because that's where he belongs.

So Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I hope, like me, you eat way too much pie today. And next Thanksgiving, we will have the fun of arguing about a whole new president.

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